IV Continuing Journal March 28 2017

HGL to HGL

hypno journal 28.III.2017

3/28/17 at 10:25 AM

Evening.

Laid off going to a "popular soup" at a Church. As I sat under a tree, I tried to "go down deep", but did NOT succeed to shut out the sounds.

I started a composition, and chose sth like rag time or so as general style (under the sonata or sonatina form and "irregular" bar groups).

Night.

Found a place to sleep. Felt the stench of old cigarette smoke, somewhat feebly. Did not move.

Counted down (me counting, Katherine Anne's face floating above like the face of the Cheshire cat and adding "you go to sleep now" every time), cannot recall getting down to 60.

Both evening and night I had started over a few times, while losing track of where I was.

Morning.

Woke up in a dream, saw a year number like 813 (which I know in wake life for another reason) and was in my dream wondering about eradication of abortion, how it was progressing.

Touched a hard on, thought better of the idea of wanking, desisted, tried to think of sth else, like the dream.

In reality, it was of course outlawed in Charlemagne's Empire anyway, since Constantine had outlawed it.

Considered that while still awake and wondered if reeradication might have proven necessary in the recently conquered Saxon territories.

Saw it was still dark, concluded it was still night, started a countdown again, but got down to 50 and below, and even after some drifting off now and again reached 1. This time the suggestion had been "you go to sleep now for a short time".

When I had reached one, I "let her" do that kind of "count up" (without counting. I did feel refreshed and it was getting light. Had the morning countdown been a power nap, or had I drifted off to minutes or hours of real sleep between the resuming of counting? I don't know.
The hard on was gone. Without wanking. Thank God.

Plan.

Shall I be able to keep OFF hypno journal (except this)?

Daydreams.

Daydreamed about meeting her.

KA: "you might want to look into my eyes"
HGL: "already? I thought we were going to talk first."

Ending A (yes, daydream recurred with two endings)

KA: "I already read your blogs, and know what you want"
HGL: "fine, I am yours under God" (sign of a cross) "go ahead and zonk me out"

Ending B
Dialogue ensuing on what I did want and what I did not want.

Ending C

KA: "look at the time"
HGL: [notices it is 10 am]
KA: "we already did, I already zonked you out"
HGL: "fine, I am yours under God" (sign of a cross) "go ahead and zonk me out again"

Content of dialogue (not given, not recalled in perfect detail) being basically that if she wanted to impose things on me that OTHERS wanted for me, that was not OK. Not unless she had verified I wanted it myself.

In actual fact, what I do want is getting more REM sleep, more restrained erections, more of my alpha state fix from prayer - all of which per se are things I don't need hypnotherapy for.

BUT if someone were to get me doing my research this style or that style or considering this or considering that or being open to this or that kind of audience, while hypnosis would not be my choice for myself, I would feel OK with it if it was imposed ... by Katherine Anne.

I would NOT want to have hypnotic adventures like this (hypno binges, I called the one in 2014) to continue to distract me every time I was getting a bit insisting when courting a girl, or every time someone would want to use this as an excuse of pretending I was reevaluating everything I had been saying on my blogs or that I might be ashamed of them being known.

IN fact, other thing where I don't have false shame and don't want that of others to interfere : I want to marry a girl well younger than myself, since that is where fertility is. An old maid my age is not fertile, a divorcee is not licit to marry and I would not want to speculate on the tragedies of others. And even a widow my age would be more into the children she had after someone else than into making more of them with me.