XXV - Alicia helps to set a goal?

Amazing Eye Fixation Induction Hypnosis
Alicia Fairclough | 23.III.2014
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6A-QI29e9xc

I

3:42 - where cyber owner got up into the upper room with connections.

Some consider, if you have schizophrenia, you should not be hypnotised, wonder if some, behind my back, are giving me a reputation ... and acting accordingly, when I try to watch hypno videos.

II

Repeated after he went down, will see if I get the goal I saw myself set on ...

III

Next day

Well, let's see.

Visualised goal : cut up the lower part of brown shorts, former brown trousers, cut up shirt to make part of it lower part of renaissance trousers (slits in a baggy formation) and other part Medieval capuchon.

Obstacle : shirt has, below the embroidery on the back with my URL

CREAVSEVOLU
.BLOGSPOT.COM

too short a length to make the capuchon decently high and the renaissance trousers decently long.

Instead, I mended a hole in the brown shorts - by making the shorts even shorter.

http://creavsevolu.blogspot.com - if you are interested.



XX - Resuming Journal 2018

Week after St John the Baptist, starting:

Monday : last video after I turn off my youtube connection a hypno video.

Getting from Ivry to inside Paris, I decide to "go down" and count stations so as to wake up in time for changing the train.

I was a few stations in, decided there were thirteen ... woke up after "nine/ten" which turned out to be eight, then went down for five more of them.

Not down as completely asleep, but reducing attention to all except - counting the times the train bleeped, closed doors and went off.

Tried the same on the other train, and decided a change when I woke ... after being at Nanterre University Library, short time, and picknicking, I went onto another train, and after another picknick, I used a countdown to go to sleep. Alas, as often with a first autohypnosis, pscc.

Tuesday : clearly awake and doing stuff, like some sewing, I had been putting off. Also ate too sweet.

Wednesday : was in a bad shape after eating too sweet the night before, went to a park at probably no later than 10:15, woke up at probably no earlier than 11:30 or 11:45. What had I been doing? A countdown from 377 to, when I broke off, 190.

Was that all? No, I checked, that would have been 28 seconds per number, so, I must have been doing some dozing off too. I didn't recall actually waking up as from sleep, just waking up as from trance and counting, bc I got tired of it.

Watched some hypno videos when I had a chance, but broke off - bc cyber owner was talking to guys somewhat loudly.

Tried to do a countdown while going asleep, fell asleep before counting very much.

Thursday : doing some more hypnovideos, including this one:

Monika Hypnotized: Suggestibility Tests & Induction
Hypnotized Girls Videos | 26.III.2018
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NsfGiQWD1cw

Watching without sound, just seeing the girl (not a top model, but pretty).

Continued after posting above and putting link below video. Breathed in time with her, relaxed myself too - though not closing my eyes and not dropping the head, nor laughing. Watching someone hypnotised tends to have at least some hypnotic effect.

XVII Updates After Good Friday to 6.V.2017

Have been doing very fine as to getting to sleep, often doing without hypno craving, but getting myself a moderate dose of it* through out April, usually by auto before going to bed, either leaving it to God or allowing Katherine Anne or Alicia Fairclough to step in.

Night to Easter Monday, it led to so great relaxation, when waking up, I abused myself.

On Easter Monday I did listen to Alicia Fairclough's rapid induction :

Can you be hypnotised with a rapid induction?
Alicia Fairclough
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sfr_o8pLubE

And while it was very comforting, I am concerned it contained a factual untruth, even if not a doctrinal heresy.

I am not respected by everybody, even if later that day it actually helped me to have felt that way.

But shows level of what I can "swallow" without criticism is a bit too malleable. I didn't jerk out of trance when she said everyone respects me. Watched some more Fairclough, but not a hypno one, and am glad I heard of her trouble using hypnosis for relaxation, and taking to sensory deprivation tank instead. Every weakness is welcome, as reminding me, however much anyone of these may help me, they are human, not goddesses, and need my prayers, in a general way.**

Have not been coming back to full regularity of Rosary. But have been praying it on and off, most weeks at least some days.

Have been entrusting my alpha state (esp before going to sleep) explicitly to God. Asking Him to repair what needs repair and maintain what needs to be maintained in me, rather than trying some repair on my own judgement.

Was prevented from watching this one:

Hypnosis for sleep - Creativity Boost ASMR POV (Female Hypnotist - Pocket watch induction)
Cara Institute of Advanced Hypnosis
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybIzRO7Tjlk

Except first minutes.

Was later glad, since it was not meant to wake up from, like the two others, but to "consume" before going to sleep. Left comment:

I was nearly going to watch this in a non-home setting, where I would not be able to go to sleep after the session.

Later I watched parts of text (subtitles, sound off), tried to adapt it to my self hypno sessions (trains or "bed").

Sitting from porch was a great visualisation.

Later watched more (subtitles, sound off), and reacted against "rag doll" and discarded the video from my program.

Last few nights, tried a lucid dream technique for going to sleep : after "eyelid glue" (if you know what I mean), I visualised a mirror, putting my hand through it, finding myself in starry space (alternative, it may be on a lake, finding myself seeing stars and night with waves coming out from a centre) and going on from there to - sleep and dream.

Took two tries at rewatching Katherine Anne, yesterday and today.

Yesterday, I was very interrupted by someone who was loud beside me in cyber café, today less so, since they only got loud beneath.

After rewatching interactive induction:

Interactive Induction
katherineanne83
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ik-1-7Z6QDI

(interrupted yesterday, less so today, as said), I watched also (today):

Update!!...and a little covert hypno.....
katherineanne83
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zb6Vwn5r0pk

before going on to non-hypno videos.

When leaving and after train, I felt some eyelid "irritation" (not itching, but "itching to drop", if you know what I mean).

Was before train feeling somewhat depressed or oppressed, and wondering whether this was spiritually dangerous.

Decided to leave it to God.

Under second of Katherine Anne ones, left this remark, replying to one question not previously answered by me which she had posed in video:

Hair style ... Mary Poppins? Btw, would you mind going through the books of P. L. Travers and see which ones of the "magical" experiences would be possible to experience by hypnosis? Could you make someone think he and you were floating in the air just under the ceiling, as long as you were laughing? I am asking, because I wonder whether that was what PLT experienced with Gurdjeff - much nearly "a monk" but who went into yoga and possibly hypnosis too.

And misspelled Gurdjieff as Gurdjeff, when doing so.

Other indication of this making me perhaps a bit distracted, I found more money in my pocket when leaving the city where I had been watching videos, than I thought I had, and yesterday I had missed some money which I had thought I had. Hypnotised twice to give and receive money and forget about it and about hypnotist each time? That is one of the situations I was wondering about in this post:

IX quora : If one practises self hypnosis, is it easier to be hypnotised by a stranger?
hgl-hypno-journal.blogspot.fr/2017/03/ix-quora-if-one-practises-self-hypnosis.html

While I think these ladies are doing some real good, I also think it is sad the times are so stressful they are needed./HGL

____________________

* Or what I take to be moderate. I might be a hypno glutton.

** In a general way : I am wary about praying for too specific things, which might be totally what they least need or want.

_____________________

Here is an example of real situations being so stressful - and there come many of them - that I am driving to resort to hypnosis for extra rest and calm:



Library computer had all movements ultra slow and mouse click and bluing jumping - after a night woken up just after falling back to sleep after having left bank locale to pee. And after that, new place I was kept awake and was too full in the stomach to enter a hypnotic state, was awake some hours more, one or two at least.

It is not as if I had been lacking sleep due to endogenic insomnia, it is about being woken up. Perhaps in some places and times by people wanting me to seek out hypnotic relief.

XVI Update on Good Friday

Night to Maundy Thursday, God telling me to use Katherine Anne and let Him do it tomorrow.

Peaceful place, uncomfortable position though. I recall coming down to 30's on a countdown from 100 "with her", and then loosing track and still not being asleep.

When I woke up, I had dreamt of playing volley ball with Rob Skiba II of all people, noticed I had a hard on, found this inappropriate and set out to instead think of this girl I love.

Night to Good Friday, me reminding God ...

After I had been twice disturbed by people angry at my sleeping in a bank locale which was closed, I asked God to do it, was some sorry for not directly obeying and sleeping when God told me sleep, did the breathing and was clearly not awake another minute at least not two.

After I was woken up and had to find another place, I was again disturbed before going to sleep and still not angry enough to be awake for long. Woke up around seven. And when I was horny I was thinking about the girl, as I should.

God - Katherine Anne : 2 - 1.

Seriously, asking God to take care of your sleep is a much better thing than meddling with autohypnosis. In that latter case, you can get caught up in a pleasant alpha state which would have been better used for praying, and which could even be more exhausting than reposing, if there is some lust mixed with it. I won't give Katherine Anne a zero, I did fall asleep, alpha state is pleasant if prolonged, but ...

IV Continuing Journal March 28 2017

HGL to HGL

hypno journal 28.III.2017

3/28/17 at 10:25 AM

Evening.

Laid off going to a "popular soup" at a Church. As I sat under a tree, I tried to "go down deep", but did NOT succeed to shut out the sounds.

I started a composition, and chose sth like rag time or so as general style (under the sonata or sonatina form and "irregular" bar groups).

Night.

Found a place to sleep. Felt the stench of old cigarette smoke, somewhat feebly. Did not move.

Counted down (me counting, Katherine Anne's face floating above like the face of the Cheshire cat and adding "you go to sleep now" every time), cannot recall getting down to 60.

Both evening and night I had started over a few times, while losing track of where I was.

Morning.

Woke up in a dream, saw a year number like 813 (which I know in wake life for another reason) and was in my dream wondering about eradication of abortion, how it was progressing.

Touched a hard on, thought better of the idea of wanking, desisted, tried to think of sth else, like the dream.

In reality, it was of course outlawed in Charlemagne's Empire anyway, since Constantine had outlawed it.

Considered that while still awake and wondered if reeradication might have proven necessary in the recently conquered Saxon territories.

Saw it was still dark, concluded it was still night, started a countdown again, but got down to 50 and below, and even after some drifting off now and again reached 1. This time the suggestion had been "you go to sleep now for a short time".

When I had reached one, I "let her" do that kind of "count up" (without counting. I did feel refreshed and it was getting light. Had the morning countdown been a power nap, or had I drifted off to minutes or hours of real sleep between the resuming of counting? I don't know.
The hard on was gone. Without wanking. Thank God.

Plan.

Shall I be able to keep OFF hypno journal (except this)?

Daydreams.

Daydreamed about meeting her.

KA: "you might want to look into my eyes"
HGL: "already? I thought we were going to talk first."

Ending A (yes, daydream recurred with two endings)

KA: "I already read your blogs, and know what you want"
HGL: "fine, I am yours under God" (sign of a cross) "go ahead and zonk me out"

Ending B
Dialogue ensuing on what I did want and what I did not want.

Ending C

KA: "look at the time"
HGL: [notices it is 10 am]
KA: "we already did, I already zonked you out"
HGL: "fine, I am yours under God" (sign of a cross) "go ahead and zonk me out again"

Content of dialogue (not given, not recalled in perfect detail) being basically that if she wanted to impose things on me that OTHERS wanted for me, that was not OK. Not unless she had verified I wanted it myself.

In actual fact, what I do want is getting more REM sleep, more restrained erections, more of my alpha state fix from prayer - all of which per se are things I don't need hypnotherapy for.

BUT if someone were to get me doing my research this style or that style or considering this or considering that or being open to this or that kind of audience, while hypnosis would not be my choice for myself, I would feel OK with it if it was imposed ... by Katherine Anne.

I would NOT want to have hypnotic adventures like this (hypno binges, I called the one in 2014) to continue to distract me every time I was getting a bit insisting when courting a girl, or every time someone would want to use this as an excuse of pretending I was reevaluating everything I had been saying on my blogs or that I might be ashamed of them being known.

IN fact, other thing where I don't have false shame and don't want that of others to interfere : I want to marry a girl well younger than myself, since that is where fertility is. An old maid my age is not fertile, a divorcee is not licit to marry and I would not want to speculate on the tragedies of others. And even a widow my age would be more into the children she had after someone else than into making more of them with me.

XI 29.III.2017

Initial statement, 15:44:

Resuming, yesterday.

Evening

Tried to doze off with some eyelid flutter to music I was hearing anyway.

Failed. Completed a composition, while awake after that.

Later evening

Wanted to doze off in train, couldn't, was interrupted by two Evangelicals preaching.

Night

Found a place to sleep.

Tried to stare first on street lamps.

After eyelids closed, did a triple arm raise with each time Katherine Anne cutting the string.

Between two of them, or after third or both, I tried the "eyelid glue" and failed to open very brilliantly.

After third time, I don't think I needed much counting before really dozing off, BUT ... had seen her face floating like a Cheshire cat (remember, I only saw her on video, so this is my fantasy while doing self hypnosis) and this time with canines, but not as a vampire, as a shapeshifting kitten.

First try to sleep, I had to wake up again and reclose eyes after a prayer, since a girl I love had her head flying off and turning into a vampire skull, and since after I closed my eyelids again, I first saw one of the Evangelicals in my imagination, and I didn't wnat to go homoerotic.

Morning

Touched the erection a bit too much to avoid ejaculation totally, so had to change trousers in shower and probably stank on train.

Sorry, Katherine Anne, if this is awkward, like if you are married.

Also, tried Katherine Anne's count up.

"... wide awake!"

Joking, or what?

If I were married to her, I think she might wake me up some mornings:

"1, 2, 3 ... wide awake"

And me : "that's not even funny!"

Day yesterday : did manage to not watch hypnosis videos with sound, but did many hypnosis videos sound off as study.

Today: and with heaviness of eyelids and with nudging my nose, I wondered how much I was fuelling a future trigger for rapid zonk out if she'd like one. Also thought of her using the gesture of drinking water as a zonk out to Brian, while I was drinking water.

HGL to HGL

29.III.2017 hypno journal, if addtions

3/29/17 at 3:47 PM

[see above, note typo]

3/29/17 at 4:18 PM

And yes, here is one addition 16:12, with sleep privation and hypno lag I do have drooping eyelids and I am preparing to use it as a trigger this night (a tactic working wonderfully yesterday, as said).

And I'd love a hypno video with a power nap right now, but can't have it.

Will perhaps be off to where I can scan composition and get it online.

On the plus side, it is boosting my creativity (like alpha state from Rosary and like full dose of REM sleep would).

I just wrote a funny answer on quora:

https://www.quora.com/If-Nietzsche-Marx-and-Frued-were-put-in-a-room-together-what-would-they-say-to-each-other/answer/Hans-Georg-Lundahl

Meawnhile, were was I ... yes, lost my orientation at least twice today. If someone observed me and were not aware of (or wilfully ignored) my autohypnosis experiments, I might easily get stamped as schizo.

One more reason, not so much against hypnosis (or perhaps yes, but I am biassed) as against that fake diagnosis.

I may add where I slept was not the most quiet place possible.

A sheltered porchway, yes, this in a side street, yes, BUT the side street was one to a very traficated street.

Using noise as hypno trigger? Perhaps did. But this does not mean it could not have distrupted sleep other parts of the night.

3/29/17 at 8:11 PM

20:11 Kept myself from hypno videos.

Saw lots of other stuff.

XII 30.III.2017

Yesterday evening.

Had only one hour internet, no hypnosis video (or had I one?).

Saw video on religious theme.*

At "bed time" (with disturbances) I let God take over. If it was God, which I can hope.

No details, though I'd answer to a priest.

No ban on hypnosis, no conversion.

Woke up.

Too early. Had to take the train back and forth for two hours to get some repose and even so had to sleep on the lawn after a first internet session, where hypnosis got overweight - as happens during hypno binges like this one.

* Video:

Satanist to Christian {UNBELIEVABLE TESTIMONY}
Benn K. Joe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GScx6cw55Ls

Should further comments make my own inaccessible, I saved mine well accessible here:

Assorted retorts from yahoo boards and elsewhere : ... Satanist to Christian
http://assortedretorts.blogspot.fr/2017/03/satanist-to-christian.html

III Continuing Journal March 27 2017

HGL to HGL

KA, starting monday 27.III.2017

3/27/17 at 9:17 AM

Monday 27.III

Leaving out some torrid stuff, since Katherine Anne could be married (that might be one reason why she stopped making the videos).

Yesterday evening in a laundry, I used this "self" induction, "day dreaming" about her:

KA : you go down the stairs, I am counting 1 ... 2 and 3 ... etc to 10.

Which I imagined doing.

Then, this:

Me : 100
KA : You go to sleep now
Me : 99
KA : You go to sleep now
Me : 98
KA : You go to sleep now ...

I don't recall coming down to 70, and I was woken up so must have slept.

Finding a new place, I reused the latter several times over, since people were coming and going.

This morning I tried to reuse it, but thought the better of it after verifying it really was morning.

Since then, on and off, suffering some sleepiness, including a kind of hypnotic hangover, image of KA recurring and me shaking it off (or trying to) as if trying to shake off sleepiness. Can relate to certain scenes in The Silver Chair - lady of the Green Kirtle obviously having abused hypnosis, and Rilian obviously having a similar physical sensation.

Should I see a hypno video with someone else as an antidote or let it happen? (written 9:12 and I woke somewhat before 7 sth after regaining sleep between 22:30 and midnight, not sure when).

Anyway, trying to leave off looking at her video today.

C. S. Lewis must have had some experience with hypnosis, since he could both accurately describe shaking off a hypnotic hangover in the Silver Chair and programming to wake up later as Tirian did in The Last Battle. That one I tried yesterday morning, was trying to get down 7:45 - 55 sth and hoping to wake up 8:30. Went down after 8:05 and woke up 8:25 - refreshed for the next hour, but it did not stop the sleep lag from tiring me down as to disability in conversation or tiredness from listening to that of others.

Above mentioned nap for the night was not the sole nap yesterday after that, I took one in the afternoon as well. Hypnotically, so as to get some rest, or at least tried to.

3/27/17 at 10:06 AM

10:06 still fighting a kind of hypnotic hangover ...

3/27/17 at 11:26 AM

11:25 and still KA hovering above my eyelids, from time to time while I do other things - tonight, IF I do autohypnosis, the suggestion will be fortified by hours of preparation, it would be ending a fight of hours, not of just two minutes, to give in ...

3/27/17 at 11:58 AM

11:55 feeling fairly irritated at:

• drooping eyelids
• feeling half horny
• Katherine Anne's face popping up in my mind (even she in her bad mood)
• AND me being in a public library where I can't give in!

I recall that tactic of her suggesting to Brian he feels guilt and frustration at not being completely zonked out all the 24 hours ... frustration works as an enforcement of suggestions, I am "afraid" (not that I don't enjoy it, and yes, here KA's face snickering sweetly)

3/27/17 at 12:27 PM

12:22 Doggedly struggling on, soothing the pain of not- giving in by imagining how sweet it will be to give in tonight.

If I get to it.

Reflecting why marriage is better than chocolate and heaven is better than hypnosis.

When you are in bed with husband or wife (I imagine), and say "can I have some more", you will not be sad to hear "me too".

When you are obeying God in Heaven, and enjoying that, you are not fearing that who you are obeying will become an idol separating you from God and damning you.

And now, not married, not having chocolate since it is a monday in Lent and outside my meals, not being hypnotised since in a library and even so being wake hypnotised by enforcing hypnotic pre-induction with every time I nudge finger onto side of nose or every struggle I have to go through, I notice that I have other things to do and they do not quite take my mind off this going over and over again through my mind ...

3/27/17 at 12:40 PM

12:39 done with what I was doing, thinking of going out and taking a sleep ... or perhaps just out and take a coffee, sparing possible hypnotic bliss for later.

[Sparing = saving, I'm Swedish and in Swedish and German the word for "save" except when it means rescue is "spara"/"sparen".]

3/27/17 at 1:11 PM

13:10 probably spent most of half hour since then watching parts and clips of hypnosis videos ... sound off.

Trying to avoid KA, but not quite succeeding.

3/27/17 at 2:01 PM

AND at 13:59, I have been reading answers on quora about hypnosis and selecting videos to watch later ...

Creative Life, Kelli von Heydekampf, Guided Meditation & Sleep Hypnosis Talkdown with Michelle: A Day At The Beach ... not to mention quora, of course.

You see why back in 2014 I labelled this kind of thing a hypno binge?

3/27/17 at 3:04 PM

Wondering how many Pentecostal "things" (not always labelled as miracle, but often as deliverance) have something to do with a hypnotic preparation.

Thank God that that is NOT what I am building my faith on, and hope whoever is concerned has better intellectual reasons for Christianity than such experiences.

3/27/17 at 4:25 PM

By the way, this night also, not a trace of dreaming, as in sleep dreaming, of KA meeting me on street or hypnotising me.

Did some looking over psalms and it seems not only were Medieval monks praying them in an alpha state, but the psalmists themselves were doing so.

Happy he who feareth the Lord?

I saw a hypno video in which subjects were thoroughly fearful of the hypnohammer - and thoroughly happy when it hit them.

Happiness in heaven and a state of grace while on earth are at least related to the smile of a hypnotic subject.

3/27/17 at 4:27 PM

And yes, what I wanted to write now was sth else, this thing is a bit distracting.

Here we go.

We dream about things we have habits of attending to at night. One thing I dreamt about this night was timelines overlapping with each other, dynasties or whatever, and centuries going from Christ to c. 913 AD or sth.

That should tell you one of my interests, and I could have been dreaming about Yngling dynasty or sth starting way up North with Odin and Frey a little before the Birth of Christ.

3/27/17 at 5:35 PM

17:34 still more hypno videos ...

3/27/17 at 6:43 PM

18:42 at least not feeling drooping eyelids the last hours ... but of course getting familiar with other triggers.

Now

for message IV