Tuesday, 4 April 2017

XIV On Stopping Masturbation

How do I stop masturbating if I'm 14?

C by Q
I masturbate at night due to my talented good looking friends. I imagine myself as them when I masturbate. I know I have the willpower to stop it but I don't know how to bring it. I am tall, thin and can play piano well. I don't want to go to any psychologist as I KNOW I CAN STOP. I need guidance

Collapsed answer:
Vikas Choudhary
B.sc. Part ll Physics & Mathematics
Written Mar 27
Get a gf

And attach yourself emotionally with her and you'll eventually stop overdoing.

[From the second line, I hope everyone has guessed that gf = girl friend]

Hans-Georg Lundahl
studied at Lund University
Written Mar 28
Pray the Rosary and ask God for help.

If you can’t stop altogether, try to limit it.

AND, even better would be to marry, but in your country and time that may be hard to achive in practise.

EDIT : added link here:

Overcome Porn Addiction

Jordan Shank
42m ago
Marry at 14? Is that a practice you’re personally familiar with? If not, then I don’t believe it’s good advice.

Then again, replacing masturbating with sex is totally a legitimate reason to get married.

Hans-Georg Lundahl
17m ago

I am personally familiar with being denied that practise, or even the somewhat less radical and more bourgeois practise of getting engaged at 14 and marrying at 18 after spending 4 years preparing the marriage.

I am however familiar with the fact as a historic one that the Catholic Church through centuries has been allowing boys to marry from age 14 and girls from age 12. This was also the age limit in Spain about 100 years ago.

Moira Lomas
Written Mar 27
Why do you want to stop? There's nothing wrong with masturbating.

Hans-Georg Lundahl
Mar 29
He might not think that, nor do I.

Kevin Nissley
Played with explosives (12B) and now I buy stuff
Written Mar 27
I'm going to let you in on a secret Sanjay Whiteman. I'm 37 and haven't stopped since I started around the age of 12. I don't plan on stopping either. Masturbation is healthy, normal and fun.

Why should you stop?

Hans-Georg Lundahl
Mar 29
That is precisely the kind of thing I should NOT have liked hearing as a teen, or should have liked NOT to have heard.

Plus where is the respect for his autonomy, if you aren’t giving him tips on what he is asking for, how to stop?

[This obviously implies, the advice given by Vikas Choudhary is the one I would have needed, not to get, since I already thought so, but to get support in, instead of demoralising discouragements.]

Ellen Roepert
writer, hypnotist, gamer, spiritual dabbler
Written Mar 27
You don’t need to go to a psychologist. You don’t even need to stop. It is healthy and normal for people your age to masturbate.

Hans-Georg Lundahl
Mar 29
Normal to masturbate, not normal to become a parent?

Plus, what about his autonomy, if he wants to stop why discourage him rather than give tips on how to do it?

Ellen Roepert
Mar 29
Because I know it’s normal and healthy for a human being to masturbate. No it is not normal to become a parent at the age of 14. It’s damn irresponsible.

Hans-Georg Lundahl
15h ago
Most generations previous to the two latest ones have disagreed.

And also disagreed on “responsible” vs “irresponsible” being the prime factors in deciding what is right and wrong.

Ellen Roepert
14h ago
That doesn't change my judgement.

Hans-Georg Lundahl
14h ago
Too bad.

What is your big argument for modern man (1900 AD to present) knowing better than everyone or most who went before?

Ellen Roepert
13h ago
We live very different now. It's a choice to start a family now, because we have effective contraception. People can now have sex without immediately having babies too. We can choose now. Contraception changed everything.

Hans-Georg Lundahl
13h ago
Contraception certainly changed possibilities.

Suppose we got the possibility to tailor the genetics of our children, to involve transgenics, triple helix, genes from animals or plants, technically, would that also change the duty of making a human child into one choice among others?

If not, why not?

Ellen Roepert
There is no duty to make a human child. There is a duty to take good care of every human child that is born. And a 14 year old can not offer the financial, pedagogical or otherwise parental care that a 30 year old can.

Hans-Georg Lundahl
13h ago
"There is no duty to make a human child."

Does that involve it is allowed to make transgenics children - humans with genetic modifications - if that becomes technically possible?*

"There is a duty to take good care of every human child that is born."

At least to take the best care one can.

What exact level of care is too bad for allowing someone to be a parent?

"And a 14 year old can not offer the financial, pedagogical or otherwise parental care that a 30 year old can."

Let's break this down.

  • financial - because of today's economy which does neither allow 14 year olds to marry, nor to make a living by working
  • pedagogical - by the time the baby is newborn, it is so young, the pedagogical care given by a 14 year old is quite adequate and by the time the baby needs more, the parent will have as many extra years as the baby and will no longer be 14.
  • or otherwise parental care - you could be more precise. I’ll give one example, when it comes to providing with siblings, someone who bears first time at fourteen is a better mother than someone who starts at 30.

Ellen Roepert
I disagree with everything you say here.

Hans-Georg Lundahl
13h ago
Care to get into details?

Ellen Roepert
12h ago
I have already told you that an adult can provide for a child. And a teenager cannot.

[Here I started writing an answer, which I could not post, since Ellen Roepert blocked me.]

* In other words, did she accentuate "there is no duty to make a human child" or "there is no duty to make a human child"? If the former, why is not making it, totally better than not making it human? Both questions related to what the normal biological sequence would be.

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